Two Years Ago Today I Lost My Dad. Two Years Ago Today I Became Lost

Today is the second anniversary of Dad’s death. Two years ago I lost my father and became lost. I dreaded this day arriving when I realized it was around the corner. 

“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”

Ernest Hemingway 

Dad at the top of the Hancock Tower in his beloved Chicago 

Today is a day I dreaded. Today is a day I just didn’t want to arrive. Today is the second anniversary of Dad’s death. Two years ago today I found myself in a hospital room in the middle of the night. Watching Dad struggle to breath. I was exhausted and anxious over the long illness. I stepped out of the room for about an hour and then I got the call form my sister to come back. The first word’s she said is, “Dad died…” I wept over my father and held him as I felt the warmth leave his body. 

This all happened two years ago today. 

Two years ago today I just felt like my life was shattered. Actually it was shattered. My Mom had died in 2017 and I was trying to deal with that and then it was compounded by Dad’s death. What made it so much harder is that I thought there was more time. And that I would have more time with both my parents. That has not happened. Because of family history I thought that we would have them much longer than we did. Sometimes I feel like this is just a long dream and that I will wake up and it will be over. 

But since the death of my parents I have felt lost. Confused. In a wilderness almost as I try and find a new path. In addition I have also been reminded of my own mortality in watching this death play out. I just need to get this off my chest and realize that today is the day. I hope anniversary’s like this will get easier in time. But I have a strange feeling in my gut that I will mourn Mom and Dad for the rest of my life. 

4 thoughts on “Two Years Ago Today I Lost My Dad. Two Years Ago Today I Became Lost

  1. My father passed away 2 years ago in September. I remember reading your posts when your father passed away. I’m honestly not sure if I commented my condolences or not. I was in a haze for a long time after my dad died. If I didn’t say before or even if I did. I’m so sorry for your loss. I truly don’t think I understood the magnitude or the weight of losing ones dad. I’ve been through a lot of really heavy painful things before but this was so different. I still struggle a lot and go to text him and then catch myself.
    Anyways, I’m rambling. Again, I’m very sorry for your loss and I pray you find peace.

    Like

  2. We will mourn our loved ones for the remainder of our lives, but grief does become tempered over time.

    My hope is that good memory of the times you spent with your parents when they were with you will help assuage the sorrow.

    God bless you.

    Like

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