Today is the second anniversary of Dad’s death. Two years ago I lost my father and became lost. I dreaded this day arriving when I realized it was around the corner.
“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”
Dad at the top of the Hancock Tower in his beloved Chicago
Today is a day I dreaded. Today is a day I just didn’t want to arrive. Today is the second anniversary of Dad’s death. Two years ago today I found myself in a hospital room in the middle of the night. Watching Dad struggle to breath. I was exhausted and anxious over the long illness. I stepped out of the room for about an hour and then I got the call form my sister to come back. The first word’s she said is, “Dad died…” I wept over my father and held him as I felt the warmth leave his body.
This all happened two years ago today.
Two years ago today I just felt like my life was shattered. Actually it was shattered. My Mom had died in 2017 and I was trying to deal with that and then it was compounded by Dad’s death. What made it so much harder is that I thought there was more time. And that I would have more time with both my parents. That has not happened. Because of family history I thought that we would have them much longer than we did. Sometimes I feel like this is just a long dream and that I will wake up and it will be over.
But since the death of my parents I have felt lost. Confused. In a wilderness almost as I try and find a new path. In addition I have also been reminded of my own mortality in watching this death play out. I just need to get this off my chest and realize that today is the day. I hope anniversary’s like this will get easier in time. But I have a strange feeling in my gut that I will mourn Mom and Dad for the rest of my life.