Last night was Sunday. In normal times there would be the phone call from Mom and Dad which would take place. Today the phone is silent and that phone call will not take place again. It’s a reminder of what happens in the deaths and loss of Mom and Dad.
“Everyone can master a grief but he that has it.”
Its so hard to process. And its not something that I can process because it feels unusual and unreal. Its the void or the absence of not speaking to Mom and Dad on Sunday nights. When I left California to attend college in Montana Mom and Dad said on Sunday night let’s talk. And that became the norm and how life was for years. From my time in Montana to living in Wisconsin and then in the Washington, D.C. area. On Sunday night there always was the routine of the phone call from Mom and Dad. It was like that for years…until it wasn’t.
Today the phone stays silent. As they have passed away there are no phone calls. The silence feels abnormal. All I can do is listen to some of their voicemails which I have saved on my computer. To this day I have mixed feelings about listening to them. Sometimes I feel drawn other times its way too painful. I certainly don’t have a dry eye when going through thus. Last night once again it was Sunday and my thoughts drifted as I looked at my cell phone next to the computer. What I would give, and what I would do to see it light up again with a call coming in from Mom and Dad.
Processing my parent’s deaths feels like a dream. Will I ever wake up?