The Uncertainty of the Future and the Absence of Love is Hard When it Comes to Death

This morning I woke up wishing I could hear Mom’s voice. My parents died in 2017 and 2018 respectively. And I miss them deeply. While I am a competent adult able to make my own decisions what I miss is that reinforcing guidance where Mom would say, “David it’s going to be okay…” 

“My life is like a stroll upon the beach, As near the ocean’s edge as I can go

Henry David Thoreau

Mom and Dad 

Its been incredibly hard to process the deaths of my parents which happened back to back in 2017 and 2018. The other day I was reflecting on one of the most challenging aspects to the issue of death. And that is the loss of support which takes place. 


An Unforeseen Challenge and Missing Mom and Dad

When 2020 started I had no idea what a challenging year it would be. The biggest shock was the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. This has been one of the only situations in my life where I don’t know a person who is not affected. Some have dealt with COVID, others have faced the economic consequences of its wrath; and its upended everyone’s life. I went from a life that was once out and about working out and swimming at the gym to traveling to being sheltered at home for the most part. Nothing is guaranteed in life and I can take the precautions to stay safe. And while I categorically reject fatalism its an anxious time.

Now to be clear I am a competent adult and I can make my own decisions. I am not talking about needing my parents to make decisions. But this is what I miss the most during this challenging time. I miss their comfort and their love. I miss that phone call from them. When other challenges in life occurred earlier on I miss the re-assurance of Mom when she told me, “David its going to be okay…” Death has wiped all that away and takes away the pillars of your life. The loss of emotional support is something that I am still processing. And I still can’t believe that this has happened. My parents died sooner than anticipated and their loss is deeply felt. As the COVID-19 pandemic drags on and I read about how some people lose parents or family members in the press I grieve that news because they are going to start their own journey of loss and mourning that will be painful and difficult. 

Mom and Dad I miss you… 


2 thoughts on “The Uncertainty of the Future and the Absence of Love is Hard When it Comes to Death

  1. So sorry that they are not here to offer support. So many are losing their elders and not even getting to say goodbye. That is soooo sad. Your mom and dad must have been extraordinary people. What a loss and in such a short time frame. You are doing well just hanging on. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” is what comes to mind. You are a kind, helpful person. I’d like to think what they were, lives on in you.

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