The other day a thought popped into my head. Grief is about love. Its the result of love for someone you were close to. As I process my parents deaths this is another realization tat I am facing. My grief reveals as to how much I loved Mom and Dad.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
Elisabeth Kubler Ross
In December of 2016 I learned that my Mom began what would be a long medical crisis. I poured out my life in helping my Mom. My sister took care of her and as she went in and out of the hospital I flew back from Washington, D.C. to Fresno, California to assist. My time consisted of helping my Mom in the hospital or at home. On April 1, 2017 Mom died in the ICU much to my shock. After Mom’s death my attention shifted to Dad. Dad retired and he wanted to travel. So me and my sister took him around. I attended several trips including Montana, New Orleans and then Missouri and Kansas. About nine months after Mom died my family got devastating news. My Dad’s brain tumor returned. Even with Dad dealing with a brain tumor we helped him travel. Taking care of your father is tender especially as the brain tumor progressed. Helping your father in the restroom or dressing him teaches you quite a bit about love. My Dad died on November 21, 2018. Dad died one year and seven months after Mom died. My grief over the loss of one parent became complicated by the loss of two.
Grief is About Love
Over the last three years as I processed and worked with grief its been hard. Its been physical and emotional. I have broken done in tears in a post office or see things that remind me of Mom and Dad. The other day as I was thinking about grief again a thought popped in my mind. What is grief? What is grief about? Its simple…grief is about love. I loved my Mom and Dad. I worked hard to honor them and try and bring them joy in life. In my life I tried to do that to the best of my ability. Grief is about love because as a son I still want to have that relationship with my Mom and Dad. And yet I can’t. I can’t hug my Mom or call up my Dad. I can’t share the day or my life with them like I used to. Grief I think is one of the purest forms of love because it reveals much about what you think of your parents. I loved them deeply and that is reflected in grief. My grief I think will be life long and will always be there. Its never going to go away. As I age and live life many situations will reveal themselves to me and I will have wished I could share things with Mom and Dad. But in my grief I know that I love my parents and that I always will do so.