On Twitter a New York comedian opened up about the loss of his infant son. It opened up a discussion on grief that was written about in The Washington Post. This is a post that I have been meaning to do for a couple of months. But a visit to the hospital to see my neighbor led to a comment about how one never recovers from loss. That led me to finish this post.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it.
1 Timothy 6:7 NLT
Cemetery in New Orleans
Michael Cruz Kayne
When I was in Fresno for a couple of days after Christmas one of my neighbors went into the hospital on Christmas Eve. This neighbor was a dear and close friend of my parents. While my sisters and I had lunch at an established restaurant in Fresno called Sals, we got an update on our neighbor. We decided to visit her in the hospital. It was hard walking in. The last time I walked into this hospital was nearly a year prior and it was at about 3:30 in the morning as my Dad was dying. The room my neighbor stayed in was down the hallway from where my Dad died if my memory serves me correct. It was hard to be in the hospital. Actually because of all the time I spent in and out of hospitals with my parents illnesses and death I still get knots in my stomach as I drive by a hospital.
As I stood in the room I saw my 95 year old neighbor lying in bed. We spoke for a few minutes and she asked me how was Christmas? I told her it was difficult without Mom and Dad there for the holiday. Then she looked at me and said, “David you’ll never get over the loss of your parents.” The person telling me this had some incredible and tragic loss in her life. When I was in high school I used to water her plants for an allowance. Shortly after I left for college her husband had a massive heart attack and died. She had three kids and two of them developed cancer and they both died. She had to bury them. Her advice I considered exceptionally wise given her background with suffering, loss and death. But what she said also plays into another story that I want to feature.
Its my contention that people never get over their loss. They may learn to live with it but they never recover. Life is never the same again. Last November there was quite a Twitter discussion that the Washington Post wrote about. It had to deal with a New York comedian by the name of Michael Cruz Kayne. On Twitter he wrote about his infant’s son’s death on the tenth anniversary of the loss. For me and for Michael and the other people who responded, this is a reminder that the pain of death never goes away. It sticks and stays with you forever. Our society needs to have more discussions about death to be honest. Hopefully Twitter discussions like this can do that. You can read the article in, “A comedian wrote about his baby’s death on Twitter. Then hundreds poured out their own grief.” If you have problems I have the article below for you to read.
“Fisher is beautiful,” wrote another. “I’m sorry for your loss and your pain. My son died when he was 17. His name is Nick and he has been gone for 15 years. The wave of pain sweeps me away at the strangest times. We are in a special club, I guess.”