Getting Through November 21, 2019

November 21, 2019 was the first anniversary of my Dad’s death. It a day that I dreaded and one that I feared. It was a day that reminded me of all that I lost exactly one year ago. It also was a day of memories and tears. 

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

Steve Jobs

Dad

The last couple of days were exceptionally hard. The first anniversary of Dad’s death was on November 21. It was a day I dreaded, and one that I feared. Late at night on the 21st I sat on the floor of my bedroom and was flooded with memories. Memories of leaving the hospital late one year prior. Then there was the phone call and going to the hospital at 3:30 if I remember correctly. I sat on my floor realizing that this all happened exactly one year ago. 

And I cried. 

I can’t believe I am an orphan. 

I miss my Dad deeply as I loved him. 

I can’t believe he is gone. I still ask myself is this a dream sometimes? 

I still cant comprehend all the loss that has taken place. 

I feel like I lost so much and have this massive hole in my life. 

And I just want to have one more conversation and hug from my Dad. 

I just feel lost. 

 

My parents took me to see Lion King in Chicago in 2003 or 2004. Since my Dad loved it I am going to end this painful post with one of the songs that he loved from that musical. 

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