On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Brief post on how watching a James Bond movie reminds me of how my family has been changed with my parents death. In most circumstances I would never have watched a movie that late in the evening knowing it could have woken my parents. But their death as a result of their absence is leaving reminders of how much life has changed.

“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.”

Marcus Tullius Cicero

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news.They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

Anne Lamott

 

In my family I grew up watching James Bond films. My parents both loved the series. Dad actually talked about seeing Goldfinger in a movie theater in Missouri years ago based on a recommendation and how much they loved it. So when I was growing up and the new James Bond came out, the family went and saw it. The one person who was not a big fan was my grandmother who thought they were sometimes too violent. In the last few years I become worried when Mom and Dad didn’t care as much for the new James Bond films like they used to. But the point of this brief post is not to comment on James Bond it is something that I noticed the other day that reminded me of Dad’s death.

When you are dealing with death there are two sides of the issue. You have the actual death process itself and then you have all the business sides of it. For example getting the death certificates, contacting the bank, and cleaning your parents belongings. Cleaning and going through my parents belongings has been what I have been doing. So the other night I took a break and late in the evening I grabbed a James Bond movie to watch which was “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.” I sat there on the couch watching the movie and then it hit me. If Dad were here I would not be up this late watching a movie. The living room was on the other side of my parents bedroom and the volume would have woken them up. When I was a kid and if I watched television when I was younger Mom or Dad used to come out and tell me to go to bed, or turn down the volume. I was reflecting on this as I watched a movie knowing that Dad wasn’t here. I am very considerate of my parents when they were here. But now they are gone. I still felt weird to watch a movie when at any other time I would be home I would not do that. For me its just another reminder, one of so many as to how my parents death has shattered the family. I was talking about this with a grief counselor in noticing all that has changed with my parents loss. I just needed to reflect on this and remember how much has changed. What I would do to have Mom and Dad back again.